just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
