i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
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