Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
