We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and she was petting her beer can
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
