do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
