that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
