Soap is not a condiment
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
