While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
