i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
