I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
