You can't special order awesome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize