Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
