question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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