I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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