Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
