So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize