Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
