There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
