he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
