i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
