the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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