If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Randomize
