made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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