I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
