Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Randomize
