and next time when you feel me up, do it right
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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