She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
