She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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