do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
