The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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