This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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