it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
