I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
my being single is dangerous.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
