Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
