i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
