Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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