I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
