she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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