dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
