I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
