Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
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