Dual....:-)
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize