My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
