If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
