closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
PS: I just woke up from my shower
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
