Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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