is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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