DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
the liver wants what the liver wants
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
