as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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