Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
only you would photoshop your dick
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
