Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
