I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
