this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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