she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
