are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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