ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
