I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
