It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Are my feet made of real feet?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
