my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize