Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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