Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
