she smelled like a LAN party
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
