and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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