An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
last night I used snow as a chaser
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
