Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Randomize
