I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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