I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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