Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
stop calling my apartment porn island.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
