I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Randomize
