I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
